no rest for the dead
Let the feelings come out. Let the feelings be in charge. It was advice that might be something to think about. Advice that might make things easier. Or it could be harder. It could change things in a way that she couldn't come back from. She wasn't sure, but did it matter? Did it? She wasn't sure what to do. How to bring the other forward, the feelings of beyond, of more. She didn't think it was like having a pet, a name to call and it would happen. But maybe if she just closed her eyes, let her walls fall around her and accepted whatever it was. Whatever was filling her soul.
It felt like walking through a web, like the sticky feeling of cobwebs on her skin. She wanted to shake it off, to brush it away, but when she touched her arms with her finger tips they weren't there. It wasn't real, a memory of a feeling. It was like coming up for air for the first time after plunging into a pool from a high dive, that first breath that made your body remember it wasn't going to suffocate. Like opening the curtians after being in the dark for so long. Being able to see when nothing but darkness had clouded your vision.
A pale hand touched a pale face, brown eyes focusing in the mirror. A head tilt first left then right, fingers touching hair, fingers touching lips. Everything was real, the body, the movements. It was different, harder to orient when it wasn't a plan. She came to the mortal realm, this wasn't the first time. But when she came she planned it. When she came she either took her own form, or she took that of someone else. But this, while it was someone else, it was a similar form to her own. Same dark hair, same pale skin. But different, everything was different.
"This isn't my earth," she spoke, the voice wasn't the voice she normally had. She could feel it wasn't her earth. This wasn't the world she was from. But then, she was an Endless, they could go between realms. She could go back to the Dreaming if she wanted to, but could she? She wasn't actually sure.
She turned in the mirror, the light from the window bouncing off her body. She took it all in, everything that was similar and different. She knew this wasn't her form, she was barrowing it. She'd barrowed forms before, and she could be a good tenent. She had no desire to do anything to harm the host. She could feel the relief the woman she was sharing felt at that. "I might be Death, but I'm not a bad person," she said with a bit of a pout. She hated that, people automatically thinking she was inherently mean or bad because she was death personified. "I'm friendly, cheery even. I like things. I like humanity and all the little things you can do when you have a mortal body."
She pulled open the closet and took in the clothes. So much black. She could work with this. "Are you one of those angsty goths? Or are you one of the happy ones? I don't really like angst. My siblings give me enough of that without the added burden of a human doing it." She smiled when she felt it, the sensation of an eye roll. "So that's a no then? Good! I like happy things. I like sunshine and flowers. I can't help it if I also usher people to the realm of the dead." She stopped as she thought about home and frowned, "Wait, if I'm here, who is looking after Slim and Wandsworth?" The idea of no one taking care of her goldfish made her sad for a moment. She hoped they'd be okay on their own.
Stillness settled over her as she walked around the apartment she was now going to be living in. She felt as much at ease as she could in a body she'd not planned for. But this was fine. She was very capable of rolling with the punches and this was just another moment in a vast space of time where she was on earth. Maybe she'd come back, maybe she wouldn't. Did it really matter? What mattered was her lack of power. She couldn't feel the dead, or the living. That worried her. She could always feel them, even in a mortal day.
"Who are you?" she asked as she looked in the mirror. She didn't need a conversation, a memories, a group of memories. She closed her eyes and let the host show her. She let the woman who's body she was sharing, show her who she was. She could feel the confusion and facination with everything. Both of them were confused. But neither were scared. A life passed before her, a life she'd never seen nor been apart of. It made sense, if she was in a body this person lived, they had a life, they weren't just magically put there.
"Elena, did you know your last name is a Greek death spirit?" she laughed softly when the feel of an eye roll and a yes, whispered across her mind. She was pleased that this person, this woman who's body she was barrowing knew. "Do you mind if I continue to borrow your body? If I am to return to this time and space?" The negative, the no, filtered across her psyche and she knew it was okay. She was welcome. She liked that, and she felt like she needed to ask. It was only polite.
The shadows of what could be and what were danced across the back of her mind. If she was to stay, she'd need to get her power back. She was an Endless, she wasn't powerless. So now, with nothing but the body she was in and her own mind and memories, she needed to figure out what to do next.